Modern-day dating & how we’ve become so disconnected.

We live in a day and age where we are so connected, all the time, to everyone around us. By use of our handy iPhones (which never leave our side), we have the world and any information needed at our fingertips. Any contact with basically any person that you’ve ever met is literally a click away.

We have become the kings and queens of instant gratification. Hungry? Order a pizza on your phone, it’ll be there in 10 minutes. Sad about a recent break-up? Call your best friend and meet up with them at the bar to make yourself feel better. Bored? Open up your phone and start scrolling through Instagram. Lonely? Download a dating app and get to swiping, you’ll probably be messaging with someone in a few minutes.

We are the generation of impatience, of greediness, of selfishness. We can’t help it. We’re growing up in a world where we have instant access to everything, of course we’re going to take advantage of it. We’ve been taught from our parents that the world is ours, that we can be anyone and do anything. While this sounds great and dandy, I believe it’s begun to backfire.

I feel like most of us (notice I keep saying “we” and “us”…I am not exempt from this!) have begun to be disconnected–disconnected from the real world, disconnected from each other, disconnected from what’s really important.

Instead of working hard to build a fulfilling life, we’re more concerned with what our lives “look like” on Instagram. Instead of enjoying a funny moment, we’re Snapchatting it. We invest more time in our dating app profiles than our actual personalities.

When it comes to love, relationships, and dating, we are totally f*cking up. Trying to make a real, long-lasting connection in this world is extremely difficult. If you have found it, you are seriously lucky. It is hard out here. Now I’m not complaining– I’m perfectly content with being on my own. I prefer being alone over small talk over text message, uncomfortable first dates, strangers hitting on me at the bar. I enjoy my own company and I have for a long time. But, I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not scared that I won’t ever find someone that I truly connect with.

First off, most of the people I know my age are scared… no, terrified of commitment. “Casual” dating gives us the illusion that we are really trying. We care, but not too much. We put a little bit of effort in, but not too much. We play games, we play hard to get. We “hang out”, we take things slow, we avoid labels, we hook up, we keep our options open, we “see where it’s gonna go.” We want all the rewards of a relationship, but at none of the cost. We don’t want a partner, we want a plaything.

Once things start to get too real, we run. We claim that there’s always more fish in the sea. We make up some excuse as to why it was never going to work anyway. We come up with reasons why that person wasn’t our perfect match anyway. All the while forgetting that perfect isn’t real. The perfect person, the perfect situation, the perfect relationship– they don’t exist. This isn’t some Disney movie you grew up watching, this is real life. To build a long-lasting, sustaining, fulfilling, committed relationship– takes time, effort, understanding, patience… this list goes on. Most of us are lazy, immature, and quite frankly too selfish to make this happen. For once, it’s not all about you, it’s about someone else. We need to stop thinking love and happiness are one day going to plop themselves in our lap. We need to work for it.

So, how do we fix it? I’m not really sure. I don’t have all the answers. I’m a 25-year-old, single girl who’s never been in a relationship for longer than a year, so maybe I have no credibility here. But, I feel like if you are constantly working on yourself, growing as a person, setting goals, and putting your life into the direction you want it to go– one day you will be emotionally and mentally ready for a mature and sound relationship… alllllll the commitment included. Those who are not dedicated to their self-actualization and development will take a hell of a lot longer to reach this point. Personally, I see the fear of commitment as a very immature thing. It’s time to grow up!!!!!

Keep your expectations realistic. Let yourself be vulnerable. Realize that risks are sometimes necessary for rewards. Forget about your past. DON’T SKIMP OUT ON EFFORT. Put someone else first. Treat someone how you would want to be treated. Be honest about your feelings, with yourself and with others. Stop looking for “something better”– or you will live your entire life disappointed.

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